How to Be Brave Page 3

  She had survived worse than Magda DeWitt, and she would continue to do so all her life.

  As she sat there, Elizabeth came to a realization. Her work could only be stolen if it could be read, and that meant that all she had to do was write it in a way Magda wouldn’t understand. Magda was famed throughout the school for her obsession with learning new languages, so writing it in something like French or Spanish wasn’t an option. Elizabeth also didn’t want to spend the rest of her time at school scribbling over all of her notes, so that wasn’t an option, either.

  Code, however, was.

  She would write everything out in code and then rewrite it just before she had to hand it in. It would be extra work,25 sure, but Magda wouldn’t be able to read one bit of it.

  Elizabeth pulled out the page that she’d scribbled over and began a new one, figuring out the code as she went along. She was smiling.

  RAINBOW SPONGE AND CHOCOLATE CUSTARD

  It was a rainy day when the next phase of Elizabeth and Magda’s relationship began. They were hiding from the weather in their common room, along with all of the other girls in their year. There were a lot of girls and not much room; girls sat on chairs and on lockers and on the floor, and all of them were suffering from the peculiar sensation that is rainy day boredom.

  Elizabeth and Chrissie pulled some cushions into the corner and started a long, lazy and comfortable argument over the best desserts. “Rainbow sponge and chocolate custard,” Chrissie said confidently, for it was the sort of discussion that required confident statements. “Good Sister Robin made it for lunch once and it was the absolute best and she’s never made it again, and I miss it literally every day.”

  “I don’t believe Good Sister Robin even knows what custard looks like.”26

  “She did, she made it, and it wa—”

  “I don’t believe you,” Elizabeth said with a grin. She dodged the cushion that Chrissie threw at her, and then threw it back. Elizabeth was good at many things, but she was not that good at throwing, and instead of hitting Chrissie, the cushion smashed into the head of the person who had been sitting with her back to them. And that person was Magda DeWitt.

  Magda turned round, furious. “Stop it!”

  “Stop what?” said Chrissie.

  “Throwing things. And you’re being so loud. Just shut up. I’m trying to concentrate.”

  “There’s twenty-three other girls in here. Why aren’t you telling them to shut up?”

  “I’m telling “you. You have to be quiet in here.”

  “That’s not a rule,” said Chrissie with some justification.27 “And we’re not being noisy, Magda, we’re just being normal. You should try it sometime.” Some of the other girls in the room had started to listen in. A couple of them laughed out loud at this.

  “You don’t understand. I need to finish my homework.”

  Chrissie raised her eyebrows. “Haven’t you copied it from Elizabeth recently?”

  “Oh my god, Magda, is that your new thing?” said one of the girls who was listening.28 She pulled a face of disgust. “Nobody normal thinks like that.”

  “Just for once, can’t you be like everybody else?” said another girl.29 “Stop being so mean.”

  A strange feeling of sympathy suddenly rose inside of Elizabeth. She knew full well that Magda had been trying to crack the code in her notebook and failing. The book kept disappearing and reappearing on her desk, and Magda kept turning in work that had clearly been done at the last minute on a completely different topic. Her grades were going down. She couldn’t be happy with how things were working out.

  “Magda,” Elizabeth said quietly, ignoring the shrieks of laughter around them, “I’m sorry I threw the cushion at you. I didn’t mean to, I promise.”

  Magda glared at her. “You meant it. You always do—”

  “I’m apologizing,” said Elizabeth. “It’s up to you if you want to accept it.” She turned to Chrissie. “Will you come with me? I want to go and talk to Good Sister June, and now seems like a perfect time.”

  “Are you telling her about me?” said Magda.

  “Please,” said Elizabeth with spectacular disdain. “I have better things to do.”

  And she did. She waited until they were halfway down a deserted corridor before she pulled Chrissie to the side and said, “I’m going to release the duck tonight. It’s the right weather, and I think it’s the right time.”

  Chrissie looked appalled. “You’re going to send him out into this? It’s been raining for like the past four years.”

  “He’s Mallardus Amazonica. I don’t know how he ended up in England, but he’s actually from the Amazon rainforest. Rain is his best friend. This is the best day I could ever do it. Anyway, he should be migrating now and I don’t want him to miss it.”

  “But what’s that got to do with Good Sister June?”

  “I want her there,” said Elizabeth. She didn’t look at Chrissie. “I want you both there. I think it has to be the three of us. Nobody else. He needs to be sent off today and that’s the way I want to do it.”

  “Okay,” said Chrissie slowly, at last figuring out why she’d been dragged away from a perfectly promising argument with her nemesis. “Do I have to hold him?”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Good.”

  “Will you come?”

  “You know I will.”

  And when they reached Good Sister June’s office and explained the situation to her, that was exactly what the nun said. Admittedly she said it in more teacherly English,30 but the intent was still the same. The three of them would meet in the yard at five o’clock, release the duck, and be back just in time for supper.31

  A FEW WORDS ABOUT MAGDA DEWITT

  I imagine that you’ve been annoyed by somebody in your life. People can be very annoying, it’s true. I myself suffer constant vexation at the acts of others. Good Sister Honey, for example, has a deplorable tendency to put jam in a chocolate cake.32

  Magda and Elizabeth33 were like chocolate and jam; they did not go together in the slightest. Elizabeth could cope with this because she had Chrissie to talk to, but Magda didn’t have a best friend. She didn’t have any friends at all, and ever since Elizabeth had arrived, she had not been the best version of herself. Much of this is because she wanted to be friends with Elizabeth and couldn’t bring herself to admit it, let alone figure out how to make it happen. But then, these are not the easiest things to realize when you are chocolate and everything else around you is jam.

  It might not surprise you to learn that Magda followed Elizabeth and Chrissie out of the common room on that rainy day. She had listened to them talk about the duck and then listened to them talk to Good Sister June, and after all of that, she had hidden until the coast was clear and then gone outside to the little yard where the duck lived.

  I do not know what she was going to do when she got there, but I can tell you this.

  I am very glad that she ran into Good Sister June before she did it.

  AN ENEMY IS FOR LIFE, NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS

  “Hello, Magda. Are you going somewhere? You do know it’s still raining?” Magda let out a tiny little shriek of surprise.

  “I’m not sure that’s a valid response,” said Good Sister June, who was, I think, enjoying the encounter a little bit too much. “You shouldn’t be out here. Not when Good Sister Robin’s planning to put a film on.”34 She paused before reflectively looking back at the common room window. “That is, Good Sister Robin will put a film on once she’s figured out how to work the video player.”35

  “I want to help you free the duck,” said Magda.

  “I’m not sure that’s anything to do with you,” said Good Sister June. “And aren’t you allergic to most animals?”

  Magda shrugged. “I heard you all talking about it. I want to be there.”

  “You were listening?”

  “No,” said Magda.36

  Good Sister June shook her head. “You need to go back to th
e common room, Magda. It’s raining. You should be inside. I shan’t say it again.”

  A strange expression passed over Magda’s face. It was a mixture of jealousy, anger, and something else that Good Sister June did not quite understand. “But it’s not fair!” Magda said breathlessly. “Ever since Elizabeth got here, you’ve let her break the rules and I don’t understand why.”

  “Nobody’s broken any rules,” said Good Sister June.37

  “Elizabeth has done nothing “but break rules,” Magda said furiously. “She’s helping Chrissie with her homework, and she’s been allowed to keep a pet, and now she’s allowed to wander around outside whenever she wants. How is that even remotely fair?”

  Good Sister June had never really liked Magda DeWitt, and sometimes it was really very hard not to tell her of this fact. This is why Good Sister June said nothing.

  It was not a terribly helpful decision.

  Magda rolled her eyes. “I know about ducks too,” she said, gesturing at Mallardus Amazonica, which was currently having a nap under a pile of straw and deeply unaware of all of the drama happening before it. “I’ll know more than Elizabeth about them, you watch me, and someday I’ll know more than all of you about—everything.”

  “Magda,” said Good Sister June.

  “I’ll never forget the way you’ve treated me,” said Magda.

  Good Sister June sighed and said, “I don’t want to put you in detention, Magda, but you’re leaving me no choice.”

  Magda gave her a steely look. “You’ll regret this. Maybe not now, maybe not even next week, but there’ll be a time—soon—when you’ll be sorry. All of you!”

  Good Sister June did one of the most heroic things that she had ever done at that point. She did not laugh.38 “Off you go,” she said. “Quickly, now. I imagine you’ll already have missed the credits.”

  And Magda, at last, went.

  SAYING GOODBYE

  Neither Chrissie nor Elizabeth looked surprised to see Good Sister June already in the yard, waiting for them. In truth the encounter with Magda had left the nun a little nervous about leaving the duck by itself. She was not sure what Magda could do, or indeed what she had intended to do, but the thought that Magda might do something had made Good Sister June find shelter in that little yard and wait there in silence until the other girls came.

  And when they did arrive, Good Sister June looked at Elizabeth and saw the fine tension on her face and the pale edges of her skin. “How are you feeling?” she said, even though she suspected she already knew the answer. “Elizabeth, I know this is going to be difficult but we’re both here to help you through it. You just tell us what you need.”

  Elizabeth looked at Good Sister June, and it was as if she’d never seen her before. She said, “This is a drake, but you can also call it a duck. It’s both.”

  Good Sister June glanced at Chrissie in surprise, and Chrissie, who was sometimes very perceptive about this sort of thing, wrapped her arms around Elizabeth and squeezed her very tightly before letting her go.39

  Elizabeth felt a little as if she might cry and because that might frighten the duck, she took a deep breath and counted to ten. When she reached nine, she felt her stomach start to settle and the lump in her throat disappear. “We should go now,” she said. “I think it’s going to start raining again.”

  But it didn’t. The rain held off, and the four40 of them walked out of the yard and down into the forest that surrounded the school. Winter could make the trees look like fingers and bone, but rain made them look like silver. And that evening, they shone.

  They walked down the fine and lacy rabbit paths that led to the stream. Elizabeth was looking for the perfect place to let the duck go. The water had to be clear and quick flowing, and free of any plants or undergrowth that might impede the duck on its way. It had to be perfect. It had to be right.

  When she found a good spot, she knelt down and let the duck slowly push itself into the running water. The duck moved forward just a little before stopping and twisting so that it was looking right back up at her. “You have come so far,” whispered Elizabeth. “I’m so proud of you. Do you remember back when we first met? It was like you’d forgotten how to even be a duck. But I think you remember it now. I think you’re ready to go home. You’ve got a long way to fly,“41 and you’re going to make it all the way.”

  Chrissie and Good Sister June took a step back to give Elizabeth a moment of privacy. They both knew, as clearly as if they’d been told, that she wasn’t just saying goodbye to the duck.

  “I’ll miss you,” said Elizabeth. She pressed her face against the duck’s feathers and closed her eyes. “Everyone always leaves me but I don’t forget them. I thought I had, but I hadn’t. You don’t ever forget what people are. What they meant to you. And you made me remember that. Them. Everything. You made me want to remember. You made it not hurt.” She eased her hands apart so that the duck’s legs were free and she supported it until she felt its legs start to work in the water. A soft sound of excitement escaped its throat, and it gave her a last, quick look, before kicking purposefully forward. Within moments it was bobbing along the stream and then, before she had quite realized it, it had gone.

  Elizabeth stood up and walked over to where Chrissie and Good Sister June were standing. They smiled when she got there, and pulled her in for a hug that said everything. The three of them stayed locked together for a long time before slowly peeling apart.

  Good Sister June began to polish her glasses. “You might see each other again. You never know.” Her voice shook only a little. It was understandable, really.

  Elizabeth smiled. “Maybe,” she said, and as she looked at the two of them, she realized something. Chrissie and Good Sister June felt a little bit like family, and the feeling did not make her sad. If anything, it made something warm and solid burn inside her; something good.

  “Thank you for everything,” she said. “I’m ready to leave now. Let’s go home.”

  And as the three of them walked back into school, they were so lost in the wonder of what had happened between them, they did not see Magda DeWitt curled up at the window of the North Tower bedroom.

  Magda saw them, though.

  In fact, she had seen the entire thing.

  A BRIEF NOTE FROM YOUR NARRATOR

  That is where we must leave Elizabeth, Magda, Chrissie, and Good Sister June for now, though I promise we will come back to them all soon. I need to jump many years ahead, to the day when Elizabeth gives birth to her daughter. Calla Rose North was born on one of the hottest days in one of the hottest Augusts ever recorded, and her father was not there to see it. He died just a few days before the birth of his daughter, thanks to an illness that had lain silently inside him for years and had only just decided to make itself known.

  And when things like that happen, it is necessary to hold on to the good things in life.

  Calla was Elizabeth’s good thing. Elizabeth loved her daughter so fiercely that sometimes it made her scared. Calla was the reason Elizabeth kept going throughout those moments when the electricity bills stayed unpaid or when another job rejection came in the post. When Calla was a baby, Elizabeth wrapped her to her chest in a sling, and cleaned warehouses in the fine gray hours of the morning to earn some money, and only Calla’s contented snores stopped her from giving up.

  As you know, Elizabeth was very smart. She had left school and gone to university, and learned more about ducks than you or I can ever imagine. In fact, by the time her daughter was born, Elizabeth knew more about ducks than anyone else alive.42

  But knowing a lot about ducks wasn’t any use in paying the bills.43 Not in the slightest.

  The money that her parents left her slid out of her fingers so quickly that some days she felt as if she’d never had it at all. So Elizabeth cleaned, and she saved, and she worked every job that she could, and somehow the two of them survived. Calla did her math homework by the light of a candle when the electricity was cut off, and Elizabeth figu
red out how to make a handful of carrots last for weeks when that was all that they had. When the television didn’t work, they played games on scraps of paper, and when there was no paper, they imagined instead. It was not an easy childhood, nor was it an ideal one. Calla learned about food banks before she learned her own name, and yet, it did not matter because Elizabeth was with her throughout it all.

  And as long as the two of them were together, nothing else mattered.

  LIKE A COLD KALE SMOOTHIE WITH A SIDE ORDER OF BRUSSELS SPROUTS

  Once, when she was very young, Calla had a particularly problematic day at school. First of all, she’d argued with Miranda Price, and then William Perry had stolen her paint before she’d finished with it, so she stole his lunch and then the two of them had ended up in detention which meant that she’d never finished her painting and she’d had to spend her afternoon in detention with a boy.44

  But when her mum came to the school gates to pick her up, Calla realized that she had bigger problems to deal with. It was not the picking up that was the problem, because Elizabeth did this quite often when she remembered. The problem was the fact that she was wearing a laboratory coat with bright purple slippers and talking to a man in black who was, it seemed, trying to persuade her to get into the car with him.45

  Calla knew that her mum could sometimes be Not Very Good when it came down to practical things such as paying bills and how not to shrink socks in the washing machine, so she ran down the path to the gate and inserted herself between Elizabeth and the man and said, “Who are you?”

  “He’s very interested in ducks,” Elizabeth said happily. “We were just talking about the aerodynamic qualities of the—”