How to Be Brave Read online

  “Edie!” she said upon seeing me. “I take it you’re not at the dentist, then.” She grinned and passed a copy of The Little White Horse to some small child at her feet.

  “I am not,” I said, grabbing the last fondant fancy before a rabid first-year could take it for herself. “Am I supposed to be?”

  “No,” said the dear nun, as she gave away books with a happy smile on her face. “But that’s what the headmistress said about the three of you. Am I to understand she lied to us?”

  “Yes,” I said, helping myself to the sponge fingers that Sethi Gopal was carrying past me. Good Sister Christine handed out a copy of Ballet Shoes and a packet of pink wafers to another girl as she walked by. “Hanna and Calla are on the roof, tending a signal fire in the hope of alerting others to our plight.”

  “The beacons are lit,” whispered Good Sister Christine. She held a copy of The Return of the King, from The Lord of the Rings, to her chest and looked quite emotional. “Gondor calls for aid.”

  Because I did not have a clue what this meant, I said, “I do not have a clue what this means,” and picked up a slice of Victoria sponge before the unappreciative hands of Rose Bastable could reach it. “But you need not worry about such things!” I said as I tucked into the cake, in a very calming and soothing manner. “Everything is safe! This is all part of our plan! We are hoping that Good Sister June will come and help us get rid of the headmistress in time so that we can go to Brazil and discover the place where Calla’s mother is hiding out after the evil organization that the headmistress works for tried to kidnap her. It is all under control!”

  And when I said that, the expression on Good Sister Christine’s face changed completely. “What’s this about Calla’s mum,” she said, and her voice was Quite Different. “What did you say? Tell me again, Edie, and get straight to the point.”

  “It is all under control!” I said brightly, because I am nothing but helpful. “The headmistress works for an evil organization, as you know. This organization tried to kidnap Calla’s mother, but Calla’s mother escaped and is now in hiding and only we know where she is because of a notebook full of notes about ducks of all things, which was written in code, but Calla can break the code so we know where her mother is hiding, but the headmistress is trying to hold Calla hostage in order to find this location or get her mother to give herself up!” And because I was finding this encounter much harder work than I had expected, I felt the need to take a custard cream out of the book cupboard and eat it while Good Sister Christine came to terms with everything. Strictly between you and me, she did not do very well at this. Her face went red and then white and her eyes almost fell out of her head. It was quite remarkable, really.

  But eventually she said, “Where is Calla now?”

  “With Hanna,” I said, “on the roof.”

  “Then that’s where I need to be,” Good Sister Christine said decidedly. Really, she is a most impressive woman when she comes to a decision. I see a little bit of me has rubbed off on her. The British do not decide to do the right thing without trying to do the wrong thing first, in my experience, and yet here Good Sister Christine was, making the right decision all by herself and the first time round.

  ANOTHER BRIEF WORD FROM YOUR NARRATOR

  GET TO THE POINT, EDIE.

  IN WHICH EDIE GETS TO THE POINT

  SO THEN SHE SAID, “EDIE YOU ARE SO BRILLIANT WILL YOU TAKE OVER HERE WHILE I GO TO THE ROOF” AND I SAID, “I AM BRILLIANT AND I WILL ALSO LOOK AFTER EVERYTHING” AND SHE SAID “OKAY I AM VERY COOL WITH ALL OF THAT” AND BECAUSE IT WAS QUITE NOISY AND WE BOTH HAD A LOT ON OUR MINDS AND ONE OF THE FIRST-YEARS WAS RUNNING PAST US WITH A HOSEPIPE AND A WILD LOOK IN HER EYES, NEITHER OF US NOTICED THAT SOMEBODY WHO HAD BEEN HIDING QUITE CLOSE BY HEARD ALL OF THIS.

  WHAT THAT PERSON HEARD

  All of it.

  She balled her fists when she heard it, and she balled them so tightly that her fingernails cut into the palms of her hands and made them bleed. But she did not storm out from her hiding place, not immediately, not until the girls had gone and Good Sister Christine had departed to find more books and buns.

  They thought that they’d kept an eye on her, that they’d been able to track her through the building and remain out of her control, but she knew at least some of the school’s secrets. She did not know of the secrets between the walls, but she knew enough to shake a pack of overexcited girls who thought that she hadn’t noticed them. She could have done it with her eyes closed.

  When she heard Edie tell Good Sister Christine everything, the listener waited.

  And then she headed up to the roof.

  THE TYING UP OF LOOSE THREADS

  And now we return to the two tenacious twelve-year-old girls on the roof and to the fire, which was burning its signal out into the sky as though its very life depended on it. I can tell you one thing: It had been seen. It had been seen by so many people.

  But of course, they did not know that then. Hanna and Calla were simply standing there and watching as the school metaphorically exploded underneath their feet, and when they saw Good Sister Christine climb out of the North Tower bedroom window, it seemed only right to throw down the rope and help her climb to the top of the tower to join them. Once she had gotten her footing and come to terms with a fire in a barrel on the highest part of the school, Good Sister Christine hugged Calla and Hanna fiercely and said, “Next time you decide to do something like this, you should tell me.”

  “How did you know we were up here?” said Hanna, deciding to change the subject.

  “Edie told me,” said Good Sister Christine. “She’s inside doing what she does best. I had to come out here. You shouldn’t be on the roof without an adult. Just think if you’d have fallen off.”

  “We studied thermodynamics and astrology and welding out here every day last term,” said Hanna with some offense. “Nobody fell off then, not even Good Sister Gwendolyn, and she’s not the steadiest on her feet.”

  Calla decided to change the subject. “Did Edie tell you everything?”

  Good Sister Christine nodded. “After a fashion. You’ve still got your mum’s notebook?”

  “Right here,” said Calla. She waved it at the nun before stuffing it firmly back into her pocket. “I worked it out. My mum made a code and I can read it. There’s a description of the duck’s habitat and she’s really specific. The type of plants. The type of water. The fact that it’s close to Manaus and she thinks you can fly there, easily. There can’t be many places that match that. We’re going to find her, I know it.”

  A muffled explosion suddenly rocked the east wing of the school. A window cracked and green smoke began to thread out into the darkness. Good Sister Christine took a deep breath. “I have to get you to safety. If we could get to the car, I could take you away but Magda has the keys. That’s not an option. We can’t go down. So—” She fell silent as she tried to work out the options.

  In the distance, Calla heard something that sounded very much like a helicopter taking off.178 It felt like the sort of thing she needed to check with the others, and so she said, “Was that a helicopter taking off?”

  “No,” said Hanna, staring down at the North Tower bedroom window and the headmistress-shaped person who was currently climbing out of it. “It was company.”

  WHAT TO DO WITH UNINVITED GUESTS

  One month ago, Calla had been at school with Miranda Price, hating every second of it. She had never thought that in a few weeks she would be standing on the top of a tower with a nun and one of her best friends. She had definitely never thought that she might be throwing balled-up exam papers at a headmistress who wanted to keep her hostage in order to make her mum give up the location of a duck.

  “If only we had water balloons,” Hanna said as she launched Fifty-Five Sums to Do with Kippers at the headmistress’s forehead. It landed with a satisfying thud but, alas, on her knees.

  “I am going to enroll you in throwing lessons next term,” said Good Sister Chr
istine. “Your aim is appalling. Calla, if it’s you she wants, then you get behind me. She leaned forward and yelled, “You’re not taking Calla. I won’t let you. You’ll have to take me instead.”

  “Don’t be so ridiculous!” yelled the headmistress furiously. “Your brain isn’t worth the effort, Chrissie. We all know that Elizabeth helped you get through school. The moment that useless henchman of mine appears with a ladder, I am going to get him to climb that tower and bring me that child.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Calla said grimly. She threw Fourteen Recipes for Kale at the headmistress, who promptly threw it right back at her. Luckily her aim was almost as bad as Hanna’s, and the book sailed past Calla and squarely into the fire barrel. It burned up within minutes, sending a tall plume of orange fire straight up into the air. Calla turned to watch it, unable to stop herself, and then she noticed something very peculiar. There was a blue light coming up the road toward the school. The police. It had to be. The headmistress hadn’t noticed.

  Calla flung an exam paper (Fifteen Sums to Do with Brussels Sprouts) at the headmistress and said, “You’re just using me to get to my mum because she won’t give you the duck. IT’S JUST A DUCK.”

  “It is not just a duck,” said the headmistress, with a dark smile. She rested her hands on her hips and stared at Calla. “There is something in that duck that means it can cure—or even cause illness. Just imagine how much money that could be worth. And the power! We could infect it with anything we want—and it wouldn’t show the symptoms. Not one bit. But the moment it walked past somebody, they’d catch it and—within moments—infect everyone they meet. The people who find this duck will be the richest and most powerful in the world. Your mother is determined simply to protect it. But when she finds out we’ve got you, she’ll have no choice but to give it to us.”

  Hanna let out a horrified gasp.

  Good Sister Christine said something very rude.

  Calla said, “That’s never going to happen—”

  And I am not sure what would have happened next between the four of them, were it not for the fact that at that very same moment, a very tall and substantial man stumbled through the North Tower bedroom window and onto the roof. This was Gareth, whom you have already met, and he was currently covered from top to toe in rainbow-colored foam.179 He was Edie’s last and greatest distraction, and although he did not realize it, he was about to change everything.

  WHAT GARETH DID NEXT

  “Hello, Headmistress,” Gareth said brightly. He wiped two little holes in the foam around his eyes so that he could see clearly and then, when he witnessed the curious situation before him, rather wished that he hadn’t. “I’m sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but I thought you’d better know that I couldn’t find a ladder and the girls have started to foam the school and honestly, it looks like fun and I don’t want to chase them anymore, so do you mind if I don’t?”

  “I do,” the headmistress said through gritted teeth as she dodged one of Good Sister Christine’s shoes and a very angry glare from Calla. “Very much so. I want you to climb up that tower, with or without a ladder, and grab that girl.”

  “Right,” said Gareth, who was growing more and more confused by the minute. “And honestly, I get that, but also, your visitors rang and said they’d be here in five minutes and you should have said you were expecting people, because I’d have made canapés. I know it’s not part of my job description but I’d have quite liked it. I have this idea for a really good vol-au-vent and I’ve been dying to try it.”

  The headmistress froze. “Visitors?”

  Good Sister Christine took off her other shoe.

  Gareth paused in shaping the foam on his head into a unicorn horn. “Yes,” he said, trying to look as serious as he could despite his appearance. “They rang and they’ll be here shortly.”

  “But who?” said the headmistress, with the expression of somebody who has just been presented with a surprise exam. “I thought everything through. Ran a thousand scenarios. Not one of those involved people visiting. Who would visit this ridiculous school by choice?”

  Good Sister Christine put down her shoe. Calla turned round to face her, ready to say something, but the nun simply placed her hand on her shoulder. It was the gesture of somebody who was in complete control. “This isn’t a ridiculous school. It’s the best place in the entire world. You could just never see it. Every single girl here matters. Every single girl here is going to change the world. That’s why we teach things like baking and astrology and—helicopter maintenance.”

  Calla looked in the direction that the nun was pointing.

  And saw a helicopter coming straight for them.

  THE BENEFITS OF HELICOPTER MAINTENANCE

  I suspect you might not ever have had a helicopter flying directly at you.180 The headmistress had not, despite all of her criminal activities and nefarious work experience, and so she stood there and gaped as the helicopter came closer. Gareth also gaped but then he distracted himself by fashioning the foam on his head into two rather fetching horns.

  “STAY WHERE YOU ARE,” said somebody in the helicopter.181 The noise had brought everyone in the school to the windows to watch and out of the corner of her eye, Calla spotted Edie at one of the top windows, surrounded by familiar faces. Sabia and Sethi Gopal. Rose Bastable. Eloise Taylor. All of them.

  The headmistress stared at the helicopter.

  “STEP AWAY FROM THE GIRLS AND ALSO THAT TERRIBLY GOOD NUN THAT IS UP THERE WITH THEM,” said the voice. “DON’T YOU DARE CLIMB THAT TOWER.”

  “WHO IS THAT?” screamed the headmistress, who had never been good at dealing with a situation she was not completely in control of.

  “IT’S ME,” said the voice, and then when they realized that that wasn’t very helpful when nobody could actually see them, they leaned out of the nearest window and waved.

  And up at her window, a small French voice screamed with joy: “IT’S GOOD SISTER JUNE!”

  RAPPELLING IS AN IMPORTANT SKILL

  Calla had seen many things in her short life, a lot of them over the past twenty-four hours, but she had never seen a nun rappel from a helicopter. Good Sister June winched herself down onto the tower and, after unhooking herself, she checked on the fire and Hanna and Calla and Good Sister Christine in that order. “Everything all right?” she said, turning back to Calla once she had assured herself that everybody still had their limbs and the fire was under control. “I told you I’d come if you needed me. Just like I promised.”

  Calla made a Have you noticed the horrible woman on the roof below us she is actually still a bit of a problem face at the nun.

  “She’s not a problem,” said Good Sister June. “You’re being rescued.” She began to hook Calla up to the rope she had winched herself down on, looping it carefully around her shoulders and then back to her waist. Once she had finished, she gave it a quick tug and turned round to say something to Good Sister Christine. Then before Calla quite realized what was happening, she was being hoisted into the air and pulled toward the helicopter and safety.

  FLYING NUNS AND A VERY CONFUSED POLICE OFFICER

  Of course Good Sister June did not leave Hanna or Good Sister Christine on the tower to face the wrath of the headmistress. She winched them up next, one after the other, into the helicopter that Good Sister Honey was keeping very still and steady. Once all three of them were safely in the helicopter, she plied them with chocolate wafers and told Good Sister Honey to land outside the front door of the school.

  Good Sister Honey is a remarkable pilot under any circumstances and so she put the helicopter down precisely in the center of the school driveway, just to the left of the purple car and just in front of a very bemused-looking policeman.

  The front door of the school opened and the headmistress ran down the stairs, closely followed by Gareth. The two of them carefully skirted the helicopter, even though the rotors were almost still by now, and went straight to the police officer. “Hello!”
said the headmistress. A part of Calla could not quite believe how calm and in control she sounded. “Mr. Richardson! It’s such a pleasure to see you, though I can’t imagine why you’ve come—?”

  A water balloon exploded at her feet.

  “Well, there’s a few things,” Mr. Richardson said as he brushed cat hair off his coat and narrowed his eyes at the headmistress. “There’s a fire on your roof, children stuck on a tower, and a girl at the window holding a THE HEADMISTRESS IS EVIL sign.182 One of those things might be acceptable in isolation, but when you add something that looks a little bit like a riot that can be heard down in the village? That’s the sort of thing that requires my attention and your explanation.”

  The headmistress shrugged. “High spirits,” she said, ignoring the screams of disapproval from the girls inside the school and the Severe Looks from Good Sister June and her band of rescuees. “I’ve been taking charge of things and the girls have rebelled. It’s a natural reaction to a firmer regime.”

  “You tried to kidnap my mum,” said Calla. “You’ve spent the last twenty-four hours trying to kidnap me too. You IMPRISONED us!”

  “It’s true,” chimed in Good Sister Christine.

  “And she’s been feeding us kale—” added Hanna, to whom this was clearly the worst of the headmistress’s sins.

  The headmistress made a Well, you deserved it face. “I’m just trying to do my job, Mr. Richardson, and I have a particular way of doing it.”